Really must update this blog sometime. It is quite a good way of keeping a diary. Interestingly, to start with it felt very personal and I didn't want to share it with anyone, but now I am much further down the 'healing' line, I am  happy to share! I just found this video on my old computer of Alfie at his first western show at Solihull in 2010 (pre accident obviously). He did really well and was so very well behaved. He wasn't THAT great in this particular class (note the pawing like a bull at the gate!! A big sign of disobedience in Western circles) but apart from that and trashing the reversing poles, he was great and I had a lovely day, returning with a 3rd in trail, and a 4th, 5th and 6th place in other classes.
I think he was 5th in this particular class.

Riding again

Well I have ridden more in the last few days than I have in the last 10 months!
A combination of things happened this past week or so. After the Haflinger Spring Show I suddenly felt a bit more confident about things - or at least like I was ready to move on a bit. Pete said: 'Can you just get on with riding again now?' and then Alfie had the first signs of laminitis last week when I stupidly left him out on a teensy bit more grass than he is used to and we had a day of rain on dry ground, followed by a day of beautiful sunshine.
I went down last Wednesday evening to find him a bit uncomfortable on his off fore and I could feel that telltale bounding pulse around his fetlock - panic! I left him in for 24 hrs and fortunately it appears I caught it in time. Since then (apart from the last 24 hrs) I have changed his routine and brought him in during the day - much to his disgust - and put him out at night. I was furious with myself.
So then I thought I ought to exercise him a bit more to keep his weight down. I had been lungeing him but hadn't ridden him since my first 2 tries, but apart from the ground being hard and it not being very good for his legs, I don't want to end up with a super fit horse that I haven't sat on!!!
So, I rode last Friday, Sat and Monday. I actually rode too - asked him for a bit more effort and had a plan of what I wanted to achieve. Not that we brilliantly achieved everything by any stretch - even turning a corner was a bit of a challenge if Alfie was gazing in the other direction!! But he seemed to enjoy the work.
I forced myself to ride Saturday as I am still a bit nervous about falling off and seem to get into the mindset of - well I rode yesterday and that was good so maybe I shouldn't push my luck and ride again today. It might be the day I fall off - so I got on again!! I feel better once I am on and am loving my new saddle. I even got some fantastic jog from Alfie despite the bumpy field. He had never really cottoned onto the slow, relaxed jog. He always wants to go at Alfie speed which is not hanging around.  Maybe the comfortable saddle is helping relax his back and swing along.

I do need to smile a bit more though instead of concentrating so hard!! I really do enjoy riding him I think - not that you would think so from these photos!!



Nice jog Alfie




How NOT to turn your pony by AC

Pay attention Alf (how grumpy can I look!!!)

 Oh - one problem - I can't lope anymore!! He can. No bucks, squeals or anything, but I have turned into a bouncy sack of potatoes banging up and down on the saddle. Can't do too much in the bumpy field so I am looking forward to going to Bruce's in July and spending some time working on this in the arena.
These pics have also been useful to me to see what I am doing wrong - note to self: Don't lean towards the way I am trying to turn - lift up instead, when trying to teach Alfie about neck reining, it is not his fault when he turns his head to the left instead of turning his shoulders to the right. It is because I am not pushing my hands far enough forward and am pulling his head around. Oh yes. And SMILE a bit more!! (And do some sit ups!!!)

Getting rid of ghosts

I am glad we did it. On the way up to the college (well from about Warwick) I couldn’t get out of my mind that last time I had come up this road was in an ambulance, then when we were going down the drive over the speed bumps, I could really remember the ambulance going over those and the driver apologising to me. So by the time I got there, I was feeling OK but it was very much on my mind. Very very much. I wasn’t at all nervous of doing the stuff with Alfie, but there was this whole other THING there that I had to deal with.

We did the in hand training first which was good. Both Alfie and BB were a bit on their toes and fidgety as we had left them on the lorry til the last minute (bit of a mistake!!) and it was absolutely blowing a GALE. Fed up of this wind. It was in the covered arena which was rattling and banging, so all things considered they were very good. Anyway, we had to stand up the top end – right by where it happened. I could turn and look at the path, the hump he slipped over on, etc. It was like I had to. When I was waiting for my turn, I just took him over there and stood by the fence and looked out on to it. I went through picturing everything, worked out which bit of slope he had slipped on, where he must have moved to for me to be sat where I ended up, how it must have been, how it looked, how everyone in the covered arena had to stop their dressage etc etc. Then I talked quietly to Alfie about it and then told him it was all OK now and we would be fine together – and then I felt much better and it wasn’t the overriding thing in my head any more. Definitely felt I had needed to do that.

In fact it is a bit odd now, it is almost like I have done everything – handled Alfie, ridden alfie, ridden another horse, been back to the college........sort of feel empty (but not in a bad way) just in a weird way. Almost like it has been so much part of me for so long and that has kind of been something to hang on to – almost an excuse for things I suppose in a way – so whilst I am now hugely glad I have been there and got it over with, I feel a bit like my crutch has gone too. I don’t know if that makes any sense. I am probably over analysing again.

The other REALLY weird thing is this. When I had gone through it in my head and realised it was almost the therapy I needed and it was almost the last major hurdle I had to face,  Alfie did a great big sigh and yawned. He felt very still. He definitely remembered something had happened. I am sure he won't remember what but horses can tell so much and I know him so well it was almost like I had a brief fleeting glimpse of his feelings.

Weird.

So, Margaret davenport was doing the training. She said Alfie ran out really well. Then we did the show class and Jane was judging that. It was a huge class – 12 in it. It took an hour and quarter to judge and must have been really hard. I saw Jane after and she explained more about the judging and things she was looking for. Alfie only came 10^th out of 12 (!) but I knew he wouldn’t do well as all the others were a bit taller, more slender and with plenty of wither – more the ‘riding type’ they so favour now. However they all moved beautifully and Alfie was a bit more like a pony with a leg at each corner!! Bless him.

When Jane judged him, she was with Kim and she was saying outloud his good and bad points. She told me she was pulling my horse apart but it wasn’t anything she wouldn’t say to my face!!! It was the stuff I knew really – flat and very wide across the withers, fat around the shoulder (no riding!), wide ribcage, but in proportion. Nice straight legs. Not quite what she was looking for though in ‘type’ but not a bad horse at all.

I think I will stick to Western!!

It was fun going in Helen’s lorry. Felt very posh and Alfie travelled brilliantly in it considering he has never been in one before. It was cool as she has a camera so you can watch them. I was riveted!! On the way back they both dozed off with their chins resting in the tack lockers in front of them!!

A good day. Sadly photos will have to wait as I left my new show jacket, Alfie's passport and my camera in Helen's lorry!

Excitement - with some trepidation!

We are going to a show on Sunday!
I hadn't even considered the Haflinger Society spring show until Helen emailed this week to ask if Alfie and I would like to go with her and BB. Well, how could I refuse when I have a new show jacket to try out (bought with the kind get well donations from people at last year's breed show) and even Pete thought it would be a good idea!
Just doing the in hand training first, then the showing class in the afternoon. I am looking forward to it for many reasons - taking my lovely horse out and showing him off, meeting up with some friends, going out with Helen for a day (we had fun last time!) and taking Alfie in her beautiful new horsebox. And just for the fact it is doing something with Alfie again.
Slight trepidation comes from the fact it is at Warwickshire College - Scene of The Accident. However, although this is in my mind a bit, I am not letting it overtake the excitement. It will also probably be good to go back before the breed show and get it over with. Maybe!
Also, I am not worrying about it as I have no idea how I will feel again.
This whole 'recovery' if you can call it that is very much a play it by ear kind of game, I am discovering. Never assume anything and just go with how I feel.
It is still all very much in my head from time to time and plays out like a film clip, but I am dealing with it now and it isn't ruling everything else. It is in the background.
I imagined I would be so so nervous about riding and although it is in the back of my mind all the time that I want to be careful and not fall off, I am not nervous about riding as such. In fact I have ridden Dude twice today (ssshhhhhh!!!) and it was fun. So that was a surprise.
In my mind I am thinking it will be a huge deal to go back to the college and see where it happened - that very path, the hillock, the arenas where everything had to stop whilst I was collected in the ambulance etc - but it might not be when I actually get there. On the other hand, if it is and I have a wobbly moment - then so be it. I will deal with it and get on with it. I will have my lovely horse and my friend with me and if anyone has an inkling about what goes on emotionally after such a trauma, Helen does, having been in the same boat herself last year.
So, onwards and upwards and roll on Sunday!

Out for a walk

Well I have been slacking on the blogging lately but I am cross with myself as I find this a really good way of keeping  a diary. I wish I had started it earlier really as so many things are really important and you think you will remember them, but you don't. Things which are good to look back on as a record of how far you have come and other things which would be good learning tools if you could only remember them!
Anyway, I haven't done loads with Alfie lately really as I have been really busy with working, but a couple of weeks ago we met Pete on the common and went for a walk out for a couple of hours. It was the second time we had been out there (first was on our own) but it was the first long walk we have done post accident.
It was lovely. Really nice weather, really peaceful on the common, nice to walk out with Pete and Bart, Alfie was good and really relaxed - could this be helped by the supplement he is on? He was really really good on the way back when Pete went a different way and Bart raced back to me - I had no lead, nothing and we were just coming up to the herd of cows with calves. Bart's idea of fun = bark at the cows until they get fed up and start moving then chase them and entice them into a full blown stampede.
I managed to pick Bart up under one arm and leading Alfie with the other hand we made our way around them. Both were good (apart from Alfie kept sniffing Bart and making him squirm) but I did get a funny look from one lady who suggested as I wasn't riding Alfie, maybe Bart should. It was too complicated to explain to her!!
Really enjoyed taking him out further and helped by going through Jo and Roger's farm then Sarah's to miss out the main bit of the road. Really relaxing.



But we've been out for HOURS now mum - and I'm STARVING



Another ride

Although I enjoyed our first little ride, I haven't been madly desperate to do it again until this past few days. It has been beautifully sunny but very windy, however today I got fed up with waiting for the wind to drop and decided to go anyway and see how he felt. This was after lungeing him yesterday in the wind and finding him really quiet and almost lazy. Plus he is a bit too fat so probably a big effort to drag his feet along the floor!

Pete came with me, but did his own thing whilst I rode. First I did a little bit of in hand work just to suss out his mood. Because I have being doing this a lot, it only takes me a couple of minutes to work out if he is switched on to me, feeling pretty laid back or really full of himself and bouncy - in which case I wasn't going to ride. It was funny getting my saddle etc out of the car, I had already decided I was only going to ride if everything was right and he was in the right mood, but I couldn't help putting some pressure on myself thinking maybe I should get on whatever - I had to physically stop and think that NO - I was only riding if I wanted to.

Alfie seemed good, so I hopped on and just rode for 15 mins in the field. We did some walk and just moving around - stop, back up, turns etc but tried to get him actually working rather than last time I was just wanting him to be quiet and behave. Obviously that was still the case, but I asked for him to look where he was going, be soft and round and not stick his nose out in front as he is inclined to do. Then we worked a bit in jog. I could get some lovely soft slow jog which felt great - maybe his saddle is comfortable? - but hard to sustain as the ground is so hard and there are some lumps and bumps we have to negotiate in the field - not exactly ideal to work on rhythmic paces!!
He responded well though when I asked him to slow down, but must remember to work on lightness in my hand and not resort to pulling him too much. A very easy circle to get into with Alfie when he is wanting to trot on rather than jog. He was softer and slower in the jog after I had asked him to stretch out and trot for a bit.

This felt good and the moment felt right so I asked him up into lope, first on the right rein which was so much the bane of our lives last year when we spent about 2 months battling to get right lope lead before discovering actually he had sore shoulders from his other saddle. Then on the left rein, which wasn't so soft as on the right and harder to relax into. However, it was good to do it, I felt fine (or I wouldn't have asked) and he was good with no bucks or squeaks at all. What a star!

He was a bit sharper and bouncier after this but nothing which put me off, so I just relaxed him again with some jog and walk then some (Very) slow spins, but he did some good steps, crossing his front legs correctly and after some reminders planting his back feet instead of stepping with them too. He hasn't forgotten anything and I am looking forward to feeling a bit more confident with him and getting him in an arena where I can work him properly when we are ready and seeing what he can still do and what our next steps will be to move forwards in a positive way.

Was hoping for some more riding pics, but Pete was busy chatting so just managed a few of Alfie. Next time!




Waiting patiently for mum!

What you looking at?!

Haffie cuddles with hat hair!

Our week

After having a week or so without doing anything with Alfie over Easter, this past week I have picked up the pace again a bit. Millie wanted to ride too this week (and now has announced she would like her own pony. She loves Alfie but she would like a Haflinger of her own!) so sone a mixture of in hand work, lungeing and then Millie rode Thursday evening.
Once again Alfie impressed me. In my head, I always imagine the 'what ifs' like what if he spooks with her etc etc, but maybe that is part of being a mum as much as just me and how I think. She asked if she could ride him on the lunge which we haven't done before, so I lunged him first on his own and he was good. Really quiet and relaxed and listening, so she climbed on board.
Firstly this was impressive - she stood on the mounting block and got on properly without me hoiking her up there. This was a tick in our groundwork box too as prevously, Alfie was always a bit suspicious of mounting blocks and would never line up next to them. I have spent some time with me standing on the block getting him to line up, stand still, be made a fuss off etc etc. Admittedly I was leading and holding him this time, but he stood quietly whilst she got on.
Then he was really good on the lunge, obviously it felt a bit weird to him but he was quiet and waiting for every instruction, both from her and me. She was able to do whoa, back up, walk and jog on herself whilst I still had ultimate control. She really enjoyed it. She still wants to lope him but that is a step too far at the moment. He was so good though and impressed me with his considered approach to what was going on.

I have also been leading him over a little jump too - but don't think he is ever going to be a showjumper!! His mum was a good jumper apparently - I have seen photos of her jumping at Pony Club - and his dad can jump, but obviously Alfie is cut out to be my little western pony (phew! secret sigh of relief!). Don't get me wrong, when he went over it eventually, after much praise, confidence giving pats and quiet perseverance and insistence that he really should follow me when I was on one side of the jump and he was on the other, he jumped quite high (the side of the cross pole) from a standstill!
But he is frightened of the purple jump blocks becuase if he knocks the pole, they make a bang as the pole falls off - this is a terrifying noise in Alfie's world!! He even walks past them keeping a suspicious eye on them! I tried originally lungeing him over the jump, but that was a serious no go with him backing up and refusing to go forwards - not like him at all. He makes me laugh sometimes!!